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    Top Ten Reasons Nintendo Suck
    Tuesday, 16 September 2008

    Put your tongue in your cheek and come in and read the reasons why Nintendo sucks as much as they do.

    GameCube 1.5
    That’s right, Wii graphics don’t match up to those on PS3 and Xbox 360 and neither do the DS graphical capabilities match up to the PSP. Gamers are a fickle bunch, if a game isn’t made on a blockbuster budget and doesn’t have impeccable photo realistic graphics then its automatically rubbish. When did we all become so shallow? There’s still plenty of power that can be squeezed out of the Wii and DS humble power, and far be it for me to say that games should try to be cartoony and creative. Who wants that, eh?

    Waggle
    Motion control? No you’re wrong there, that’s waggle you mean to say. Admittedly, shaking the Wii remote is used too much in games when pressing the A button would work just as well. That doesn’t mean to say that every kind of motion control in all Wii games is as boring as sitting and shaking the Wiimote. The remote has been intelligently used in plenty of games already; just because every single game isn’t revolutionary it doesn’t mean they all aren’t. Check out Zack and Wiki and see how varied the capabilities of the Wii are.

    No DVD Playback
    In this day and age, with the Xbox 360 pushing HD DVD and the PS3 pushing Bluray, you’d think that the Wii would at least side with one or the other- or even plain old DVD. But alas, no. In this day and age you would also expect that DVD players have been around long enough for anyone who wants one to have one already, but alas, no. Sure it might be nice for that extra bit of functionality, but this isn’t last generation anymore where the PS2 was popular as a cheap DVD player. The Wii doesn’t need to play DVD or anything other than games, and its doing fine as it is. Anyway, you’re bound to have a DVD player in your house or a computer that plays them.

    Not Hardcore
    Did you realise that just because your mum and sisters now actually fancy playing some video games with you, it means you are no longer hardcore? Uh oh, scramble! Move that Wii up to your bedroom, get the curtains closed, the lights out and play some Wii Sports alone. Yeah, now you’re hardcore again. How dare you play games socially- that’s so casual!

    WiiConnect24…?
    Friend codes, no voice chat, wait; does the Wii even allow you to play games online? Of course it does, and the system in place isn’t as bad as most would have you believe. So you can’t chat, so you have to trade friend codes, so it’s not Xbox Live, do we ever stop whinging? It seems not. Its all too easy to overlook Nintendo’s fatherly nature in that they always want to shield us from the big bad world, just because we have to input a friend code to add people to our friend rosters it automatically means playing the likes of Mario Kart online is boring. Just type in the code then play the games, I assure you they are fun. Go on, try it out.

    No First Party Games
    I said "first party games" not party games because we know fine well the Wii has its fair share of them. So then where are the games from Nintendo's big franchises? Well, take a look buddy- they are already released. Zelda, Metroid, Mario, all available and all damn good. But what’s next? Just Wii Music and Animal Crossing you say? I see your point now. Why would they announce games that are due out soon rather than tell us about other games that are still a year or more down the pipeline? I understand the mass panic now: we don’t care about what’s coming out in the short term but we’d rather sit and wait for what’s coming out this time next year. My mistake, carry on.

    The Fridge!
    They didn’t include a terabyte of internal memory with the Wii, how dare they. Actually this is the most valid argument on this list. The system of deleting data in order to make space to download new games is a bit of an obtuse decision. We do like to hoard our games and collect them all, so why can’t we do the same with our virtually bought ones? I just don’t know. But believe me when I say it is possible to make do with clearing out your fridge when need be- once you begin with it, you develop a ruthless streak that makes it easier to remove things from the fridge every time you need to do it.

    Rare
    Nintendo and Rare parted ways during the GC days and we still feel like we’re waiting for that space to be filled. During the N64 days Nintendo and Rare complimented each other perfectly and basically carried the machine through its lifespan, imagine that dream team at work on the Wii. Well atleast we can console ourselves with the fact that Rare have hardly set the world alight with their Xbox and Xbox 360 showings, but that isn’t to say that things would be so mundane if they were developing for the Wii. The Wiimote + Perfect Dark would blow anything out of the water (including Metroid Prime) and we would even get GoldenEye on the VC.

    Too Much Success
    The sudden turn of fortunes for Nintendo has caused them to rest on their laurels and just let the cash roll in. It’s a thought that lurks in the back of even the staunchest fanboy’s mind. So is it true? Well it’s true that Nintendo have changed, whether that’s for the better or worse is yet to be conclusively judged. In the meantime we should enjoy this new brand of gaming, if nothing else, the Wii has refreshed and reinvigorated gaming and has shown us that its really not just about upping the power of the consoles.

    Nintendo Suck because it’s Cool to Hate Them
    Just as it was cool to hate the N64 and GC for being kiddy, its also the cool thing to hate the Wii- if you are a “hardcore gamer.” Now that the Wii is the leading console and everyone and their grandmother is playing it, the machine can in no way be accepted by the gaming community. Rally the troops! We must change to supporting the PS360 and whatnot! Haven’t you heard, Wii Sports isn’t what real gamers play, you’re better sticking with the old ways of playing games, yeah, its all about the button mashing like it has been forever. Its cool to have to install your games, its cool to have to go through several SKU’s to find the one you think suits you best, its cool to own a machine which is guaranteed to break down on you rather than being guaranteed to last you long-term. If the Wii is apparently going to be outlasted by the other consoles predicted longer lifespans, then why is it that the Wii is the one that’s most reliable and most likely to last you a decade without breaking down? Ironic.

    Labels: , ,

    posted by darksnowman @ 19:50  
    5 Comments:
    • At 20 July 2010 at 03:35, Anonymous Anonymous said…

      RE: No DVD Playback...
      It is even worse than stated... Not only is there no DVD playback provided by Nintendo, but they push out patches whose only purpose is to break Wii's that have third party DVD playing software installed.

       
    • At 26 March 2011 at 15:41, Anonymous Anonymous said…

      Wtf?
      The wii only offer 3+ games, they think that the past will repeat itself, that 32-bit quality will rule over HD(PS3 and the Xbox 360), that their consoles will be the best...NO.

      These Nintendo fankids will one day realise that it's OVER, nintendo got owned by the xbox((pre-)HD) v.s the GC(64 bit....)they got owned by Kinect already(REAL EXCERCISE,instead of rotating your wrists 24/7) and i hope that the 3DS won't be butched by Microsoft and sony again, just wake up and realise it.

       
    • At 14 September 2011 at 09:18, Anonymous Anonymous said…

      those who commented agaisnt nintendo are loser, you would not have your fucking fagbox or shittystation3, so all of you can go ffuck themself very hard

       
    • At 16 July 2012 at 04:00, Anonymous Mr.Sexy said…

      Late reply

       
    • At 8 September 2012 at 18:52, Anonymous Anonymous said…

      The gamecube had just as good graphics as the Xbox. In fact it was better than ps2 (look it up dip shit) every Nintendo console for the exception. Of Wii was equal or more powerful than It's competitors. These are all facts. Not just shit I assumed. And the Wii u is 2x more powerful than Xbox, and ps3. I know none of this will get into your dumbass fanboy mind but if you don't believe me look it up on a factual gaming site.

       
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